The Stinkers Thread - The Guardians Edition

First Post December 09, 2019 10:36 PM

Share your musical abortions here.

May 21, 2020 08:58 PM

This track reminds me so much of KISS's "God Gave Rock & Roll To You" (I mean Wyld Stallyns) which was featured on the "Bill & ted's Bogus Journey" soundtrack. It's simply far too cheesy for me as it highlights all of the worst attributes of 80's rock/metal.

May 21, 2020 09:57 PM

Kamelot's Epica and The Black Halo are an epic pair of albums from my earlier metal days of just power metal, though they would've had some points taken off if if weren't for the otherwise useless interludes being part of the story, like this Italian cabaret interlude:


July 02, 2020 11:02 AM

Need I say more about this dark glam-rock-ish sh*tter?


July 08, 2020 09:35 PM

Fuck me this bad! It sounds like they've taken Judas Priest's cheesiest 80's moments & combined them into an all-powerful super cheddar. Unfortunately I'm lactose intolerant when it comes to music so my gag reflex goes into overdrive.

July 08, 2020 11:44 PM

Last week I reviewed Keeper of the Seven Keys Part II in the power metal of my Ultimate Metal Family Tree band challenge. This song is outright cheddar cheese that hasn't aged well, and the sound effects aren't worth it. F*** this one and "Rise and Fall"!


July 09, 2020 03:35 AM
See, I clearly don't understand the attraction to European power metal because while the two tracks you mentioned are truly awful (especially "Rise & Fall"), I find the track you just included in the Track Of The Day thread ("Eagle Fly Free") to be just as unappealing. I guess this style of metal is simply too far removed from my metal comfort zone. In saying that though, I do really enjoy "You Always Walk Alone" & "We Got The Right" from "Keeper Of The Seven Keys Part II" but that's likely because they're the less cheesy inclusions.
July 09, 2020 05:58 AM
"We Got the Right" is another excellent classic from that album, though in my opinion, "You Always Walk Alone" isn't that great in quality but still OK.
December 11, 2020 10:58 PM

I can't find it on YouTube but the bonus track from Gamma Ray's "Blast From The Past" double album (entitled "The Silence") is a prime example of everything I dislike about European power metal. Simply awful stuff!

December 11, 2020 11:11 PM
Can't find it on YouTube?!? D*mn, I don't even have that album anymore, so I'm gonna have trouble finding it for the review...
December 11, 2020 11:42 PM

You can get the entire release on YouTube. Just not all of the individual tracks.


December 12, 2020 12:36 AM

Great, thanks Daniel!

January 25, 2021 07:22 PM

Well, I guess this is what you get when you just go and listen to random Power Metal albums from lesser known bands. I have zero clue what they were going for here, but man does it not work. At all.

Edit: Apparently the other YouTube video didn't work? Region locked maybe? 



January 25, 2021 08:36 PM

You're right. The link doesn't work at all.

February 15, 2021 12:53 AM

So I decided to try reviewing another heavy metal album before I get to that Riot featured release, and the one I chose was Metallica's controversial hard rock/heavy metal album Reload. Half the amount of songs are pretty good, but the other half? Just some loads of rubbish, such as these two trash piles:


February 15, 2021 01:18 AM

Yeah those two are well & truly subpar & "Bad Seed", "Prince Charming" & "Fixxxer" are even worse in my opinion. "Reload" was a particularly awful effort. In fact, "Devil's Dance" & "Carpe Diem Baby" are the only tracks I have any time for to be honest.

February 15, 2021 02:00 AM
Daniel, you might be shocked to hear that "Carpe Diem Baby", "Prince Charming", and "Fixxxer" are 3 of my favorite tracks in the album. "Devil's Dance" and "Bad Seed" are in an OK level for me. But of course, Reload is still one of the lowest points of Metallica's career, though to me it's a little close to average. Their next studio album St. Anger is where it all gets much worse...
March 21, 2021 06:09 AM

Here's a couple of shocking bonus tracks from German metal albums that are generally regarded as classics:


The first is a Queen cover version:


The second appears to be a re-recorded version of an already shithouse track from Running Wild's 1985 album "Branded & Exiled":


March 21, 2021 10:58 AM

Realizing I haven't listened to Blind Guardian's Queen cover, I decided to give it a listen, and well...many Blind Guardian fans know that the band is heavily influenced by Queen, but I think they tried too hard to show their influence, especially Hansi Kürsch sounding a bit strained when trying to reach the same cadence as Freddie Mercury. So without that sh*tty bonus track and possibly the two other ones in that album, I still think the original vinyl version of Somewhere Far Beyond is perfect (when listening to the "Bard's Songs" as a full suite)!

That Running Wild track shared here that I've also decided to listen to is actually "Störtebeker", that's probably why it sounded much different from the "Chains and Leather" song you were thinking of. Clearly there was a little mix-up... "Störtebeker" is pretty cool though, of course not the best, but good enough for me to give Death or Glory a listen and review. Seems like my newfound interest in heavy metal bands like Accept and Riot is craving for more....

March 21, 2021 11:10 AM

Oh I didn't realise. They actually mixed the tracks up on Spotify too so I shouldn't be surprised. To be fair I find "Störtebeker" (another bonus track by the way) to be pretty flat too. Perhaps I'm just never meant to enjoy Running Wild.

April 04, 2021 01:27 AM


April 04, 2021 02:12 AM


Quoted Daniel

I agree that this isn't really the best song of the album (not even close to "Through the Fire and Flames"), but I actually don't mind this ballad because it ends the album beautifully, unlike the ballads from the first two albums that are each in the middle of the album causing the speedy flow to be disrupted (I still like those two ballads slightly better than this one though).

April 24, 2021 01:15 PM

Apparently these two ballads sit amongst the most highly regarded songs in the entire Savatage back catalogue. My opinion on them couldn't be more opposed as not only do I find them to be the clear low points of the "Gutter Ballet" album but I wouldn't hesitate to label them as heinous crimes against music. Does anyone agree with me  or am I all alone in these feelings?



June 25, 2021 12:17 AM

What a horrible example of the cheesy power metal ballad this is! I could just as easily have included "The Guardians Of Mankind" or "The Winged Horse" from this album actually as I find both very hard to endure but this track takes the cake when it comes to musical inadequacy in my opinion.