The Stinkers Thread - The Guardians Edition
Share your musical abortions here.
This track reminds me so much of KISS's "God Gave Rock & Roll To You" (I mean Wyld Stallyns) which was featured on the "Bill & ted's Bogus Journey" soundtrack. It's simply far too cheesy for me as it highlights all of the worst attributes of 80's rock/metal.
Kamelot's Epica and The Black Halo are an epic pair of albums from my earlier metal days of just power metal, though they would've had some points taken off if if weren't for the otherwise useless interludes being part of the story, like this Italian cabaret interlude:
Need I say more about this dark glam-rock-ish sh*tter?
Fuck me this bad! It sounds like they've taken Judas Priest's cheesiest 80's moments & combined them into an all-powerful super cheddar. Unfortunately I'm lactose intolerant when it comes to music so my gag reflex goes into overdrive.
Last week I reviewed Keeper of the Seven Keys Part II in the power metal of my Ultimate Metal Family Tree band challenge. This song is outright cheddar cheese that hasn't aged well, and the sound effects aren't worth it. F*** this one and "Rise and Fall"!
I can't find it on YouTube but the bonus track from Gamma Ray's "Blast From The Past" double album (entitled "The Silence") is a prime example of everything I dislike about European power metal. Simply awful stuff!
You can get the entire release on YouTube. Just not all of the individual tracks.
Great, thanks Daniel!
Well, I guess this is what you get when you just go and listen to random Power Metal albums from lesser known bands. I have zero clue what they were going for here, but man does it not work. At all.
Edit: Apparently the other YouTube video didn't work? Region locked maybe?
You're right. The link doesn't work at all.
So I decided to try reviewing another heavy metal album before I get to that Riot featured release, and the one I chose was Metallica's controversial hard rock/heavy metal album Reload. Half the amount of songs are pretty good, but the other half? Just some loads of rubbish, such as these two trash piles:
Yeah those two are well & truly subpar & "Bad Seed", "Prince Charming" & "Fixxxer" are even worse in my opinion. "Reload" was a particularly awful effort. In fact, "Devil's Dance" & "Carpe Diem Baby" are the only tracks I have any time for to be honest.
Here's a couple of shocking bonus tracks from German metal albums that are generally regarded as classics:
The first is a Queen cover version:
The second appears to be a re-recorded version of an already shithouse track from Running Wild's 1985 album "Branded & Exiled":
Realizing I haven't listened to Blind Guardian's Queen cover, I decided to give it a listen, and well...many Blind Guardian fans know that the band is heavily influenced by Queen, but I think they tried too hard to show their influence, especially Hansi Kürsch sounding a bit strained when trying to reach the same cadence as Freddie Mercury. So without that sh*tty bonus track and possibly the two other ones in that album, I still think the original vinyl version of Somewhere Far Beyond is perfect (when listening to the "Bard's Songs" as a full suite)!
That Running Wild track shared here that I've also decided to listen to is actually "Störtebeker", that's probably why it sounded much different from the "Chains and Leather" song you were thinking of. Clearly there was a little mix-up... "Störtebeker" is pretty cool though, of course not the best, but good enough for me to give Death or Glory a listen and review. Seems like my newfound interest in heavy metal bands like Accept and Riot is craving for more....
Oh I didn't realise. They actually mixed the tracks up on Spotify too so I shouldn't be surprised. To be fair I find "Störtebeker" (another bonus track by the way) to be pretty flat too. Perhaps I'm just never meant to enjoy Running Wild.
I agree that this isn't really the best song of the album (not even close to "Through the Fire and Flames"), but I actually don't mind this ballad because it ends the album beautifully, unlike the ballads from the first two albums that are each in the middle of the album causing the speedy flow to be disrupted (I still like those two ballads slightly better than this one though).
Apparently these two ballads sit amongst the most highly regarded songs in the entire Savatage back catalogue. My opinion on them couldn't be more opposed as not only do I find them to be the clear low points of the "Gutter Ballet" album but I wouldn't hesitate to label them as heinous crimes against music. Does anyone agree with me or am I all alone in these feelings?
What a horrible example of the cheesy power metal ballad this is! I could just as easily have included "The Guardians Of Mankind" or "The Winged Horse" from this album actually as I find both very hard to endure but this track takes the cake when it comes to musical inadequacy in my opinion.