Heavy Metal Deal Breakers.

I can't be the only member of this whole site that has these. What am I talking about? Deal breakers, Bad Omens, and Empending Doom (not the fun kind). The shit that makes you tap out, turn the dial, give ya the ick as the kids say.

I'm going to start compiling a list. Here's what I got. Keep in mind we all have them, these are just mine. 

1) "Airy" female soprano... she's not in the band, it's a backing track. The same backing track every band that does this shit uses.

2) Track on the METAL album has no METAL elements. This shit pisses me off, I grew up very poor, deep in the country, in the bible belt. Getting Metal was a once a year oppourtunity. You just spent $20 on an album. The album has 9 tracks. One of them is a 3-5minute string and piano piece. BRINGS MY PISS TO A BOIL!

"Im going through changes..." Yeah Ozzy I wish you'd change to some shit I paid to hear. Tony Iommi is in your band. He's a pretty fuckin' good guitar player. Let him play it!

3) Beauty and the Beast Vocals-"Airy" female Soprano's evil twin. He says GRRRRR, she says "Ah--ahh-ah". Zero says fuck this shit.

4)Technical Dick waving-We're all gonna play chromatically really fast, at the same time, to a blast beat. See how creative and talented we are? Please take us seriously. Our name is 69PoundsOfRecylcedRhinoceriousShit, but we are classically trained progressive musicians. Please listen to us, it will save the enviroment!

5)Overly Political or Overly Religious lyrical content- I am not at church, I am not at a political rally, I am at a Heavy Metal show.

I got more but morning comes early. 

Disclaimer: This is light-hearted juggalo shit, only a fool would take the above even remotely seriously. If you're in a more postive mood https://metal.academy/forum/23/thread/2225 is for the good vibes.

Punky one-two drum beats shit me. So does the use of cow bell, particularly when used in conjunction with groovy stoner metal riffs. Any sort of cheese sees me tapping out too i.e. a lot of European power metal.

Hidden tracks are NEVER a good idea. Thankfully they were related to the length of CDs, so hopefully are gone now.

I rarely ever enjoy cover tracks, unless they match the feel of the rest of the album. On that note, I dislike tracks that have a really different production to the rest of the album too.

Plus Daniel's right that cowbells have no place in metal.

I must say Zero, your hatred for female vocals or non-metal instrumentals seems very passionate. I really enjoy both of those elements if they're done well.

I can't be the only member of this whole site that has these. What am I talking about? Deal breakers, Bad Omens, and Empending Doom (not the fun kind). The shit that makes you tap out, turn the dial, give ya the ick as the kids say.

LOL. I almost thought you were going to rant about two of my favorite Revolution bands there.

I'm going to start compiling a list. Here's what I got. Keep in mind we all have them, these are just mine. 

1) "Airy" female soprano... she's not in the band, it's a backing track. The same backing track every band that does this shit uses.

2) Track on the METAL album has no METAL elements. This shit pisses me off, I grew up very poor, deep in the country, in the bible belt. Getting Metal was a once a year oppourtunity. You just spent $20 on an album. The album has 9 tracks. One of them is a 3-5minute string and piano piece. BRINGS MY PISS TO A BOIL!

"Im going through changes..." Yeah Ozzy I wish you'd change to some shit I paid to hear. Tony Iommi is in your band. He's a pretty fuckin' good guitar player. Let him play it!

3) Beauty and the Beast Vocals-"Airy" female Soprano's evil twin. He says GRRRRR, she says "Ah--ahh-ah". Zero says fuck this shit.

Based on those three, symphonic metal will definitely never be the metal genre for you, Zach. I used to enjoy symphonic metal a lot 10 years ago, but then I started tapping out in favor of heavier, more modern metal genres. Still I enjoy some bands with symphonic elements. One of those bands is Trail of Tears which also has those 3 pet peeves of yours; female soprano (Helena Iren Michaelsen/Cathrine Paulsen/Ailyn), Beauty and the Beast vocals (when Ronny Thorsen growls alongside the female soprano), and a track with no metal elements (e.g. "Illusion?" from Disclosure in Red, "Countdown to Ruin" from Profoundemonium). The only album from that band that doesn't have any of your pet peeves and I would recommend to you is their fully metal male vocal-only 2005 album Free Fall Into Fear. Everything else from that band, NOT IN YOUR HOUSE.

Anyway, I have a few deal-breaking metal genres to show that my expanding taste in metal has limits:

The majority of black metal - I tend to avoid the Satanic bands of the genre and definitely the neo-Nazi NSBM. Though I've enjoyed some black metal bands before that never relied on Satanism for the most part.

Brutal/slam death metal - I'm not really into the gory violence of those two subgenres and some of the more notable bands of standard death metal. Though I still enjoy subgenres like melodic/symphonic/progressive death metal.

The more brutal deathcore bands - Same issue as brutal/slam death metal. Though just like death metal, I like bands that are more melodic/symphonic/progressive.

Drone/funeral doom - So slow, long, and depressing that it's hard for me to pay attention nor resist speeding up the tempo to 2x.

Grindcore - The total opposite of drone/funeral doom, fast and short, but that's also an issue for me, along with a lot of bands of that genre having highly offensive lyrics and band names (such as A.C.). I definitely say no to subgenres like goregrind/pornogrind. In fact, I've listened to and reviewed a few releases by grindcore bands (F*** the Facts, Gigantic Brain, Bologna Violenta, and PainKiller's debut), and they're a few of the only releases in which I've given each of them a rating of less than two stars. I pretty much had a similar "knock it after trying it" attitude to your half-star reviews when writing this one, Zach (keep in mind that almost every other review I've made that's currently up is much more positive and less rage-filled than this): https://metal.academy/reviews/28695/3144

Vocals play a massive part in music for me and are probably the thing most likely to get me hitting the off button, so:

1. Shouty hardcore-style vocals where the singer sounds like a three-year old throwing a tantrum in Tesco.

2. Power metal vocals where the singer thinks Bruce Dickinson is OK, but is far too restrained in his delivery.

3. Gothicy vocals where the singer wants you to believe that he really is a romantically melancholy vampire rather than some sad act in a leather trenchcoat. Chances are Andrew Eldritch has already done this ten times better.

4. Overtly technical or avant-garde stuff that exists to illustrate how superior the musician is to us plebs either intellectually or technically.

5. Excessive use of keyboards smeared over the music like too-thick marzipan on a nice cake.

There's probably more, but these are the ones that really twist my melon (man!).

Hidden tracks are NEVER a good idea. Thankfully they were related to the length of CDs, so hopefully are gone now.

I rarely ever enjoy cover tracks, unless they match the feel of the rest of the album. On that note, I dislike tracks that have a really different production to the rest of the album too.

I actually like a few hidden tracks like the one at the end of the original 1995 Zao debut All Else Failed and the long sludgy closing instrumental of Gaza's He Is Never Coming Back, but yeah, there are some hidden tracks that I would certainly give a thumbs-down to. The cover tracks I prefer are ones that stay true to the band's sound and are much better than the originals. The ones that just follow the song's original style (especially a non-metal genre) without much of their own are a total no-no for me.

Vocals play a massive part in music for me and are probably the thing most likely to get me hitting the off button, so:

1. Shouty hardcore-style vocals where the singer sounds like a three-year old throwing a tantrum in Tesco.

2. Power metal vocals where the singer thinks Bruce Dickinson is OK, but is far too restrained in his delivery.

3. Gothicy vocals where the singer wants you to believe that he really is a romantically melancholy vampire rather than some sad act in a leather trenchcoat. Chances are Andrew Eldritch has already done this ten times better.

I never usually have any problems with vocals when it comes to different styles. For me, it's the strength and timing that matters. I don't really like when the vocals sound weak (Lars Eikind in some Before the Dawn songs) or are completely different from the main style of the album and in an odd place (5 minutes of female operatic chanting in the middle of Green Carnation's Light of Day, Day of Darkness that almost made cross off a half-star from my perfect 5-star rating for that album/suite).

If the subgenre has the words “melodic” or “symphonic” as a prefix then I’ll usually struggle with it.

Vocals that you can't understand. Cookie monster vocals. If I can't understand you then I assume you are not proud of what you say and it's not worth me hearing.
Down tuned extended range guitars. It's not the guitars but how these types of bands use them. The tone has become so generic and bland. Every production sounds the same.
Too much X -- IE: To many pinch harmonics, to many bends, to many notes.
Djent - Ther is no redeeming qualities to this genre.
Overly complicated leaps and jumps across the fretboard for the sake of seeming complex.
Thin flat drums / the overuse of cymbals
Dirty piss poor production. 

Hidden tracks are NEVER a good idea. Thankfully they were related to the length of CDs, so hopefully are gone now.

I rarely ever enjoy cover tracks, unless they match the feel of the rest of the album. On that note, I dislike tracks that have a really different production to the rest of the album too.

Plus Daniel's right that cowbells have no place in metal.

I must say Zero, your hatred for female vocals or non-metal instrumentals seems very passionate. I really enjoy both of those elements if they're done well.

i like them if they are done well and with conviction. Funeral doom has some of the most beautiful stuff out there with the symphonic. I also don’t hate women, I’m talking about a particular type of backing vocal that sounds like free-ware. 

Today is an exams day so I’m on hall duty and stuck on my phone. We’re gonna have some fun in here when I get home.

Down tuned extended range guitars. It's not the guitars but how these types of bands use them. The tone has become so generic and bland. Every production sounds the same.

As much as I enjoy modern metal/djent and its common usage of downtuned guitars, I agree that the tone and production sound the same and can therefore be monotonous and tiring. We need more than just tuning the guitars so earth-quakingly low. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think the idea of tuning up a semitone or two higher than the standard E tuning should catch on, like how Vektor used to have guitars tuned up to F. Maybe even F# or have 7-string guitars tuned up to C or C#, that would be something. Of course, we have the risk of a string breaking. But never mind, any tuning, no matter how tired I am of it, is a good deal for me.

Vocals that you can't understand. Cookie monster vocals. If I can't understand you then I assume you are not proud of what you say and it's not worth me hearing.

How about lyrics in a language you don't speak?

Vocals that you can't understand. Cookie monster vocals. If I can't understand you then I assume you are not proud of what you say and it's not worth me hearing.

How about lyrics in a language you don't speak?

i personally think foreign language stuff is cool, but I do like having an English translation if it’s real good.

i know max super well, I’m not speaking for him, but he’s enjoyed non-English before. I think it has to do with diction. Even if it’s a foreign language he likes to hear clearly where words end and begin. Doesn’t like a guttoral that sounds like one rolling utterance.

Vocals that you can't understand. Cookie monster vocals. If I can't understand you then I assume you are not proud of what you say and it's not worth me hearing.

How about lyrics in a language you don't speak?

i personally think foreign language stuff is cool, but I do like having an English translation if it’s real good.

Same here, though I'm not into a lot of bands that entirely rely on foreign language stuff with little-to-no English (e.g. Neue Deutsche Härte bands).

You ever heard Masters Hammer- Ritual?

it’s Czech Heavy Metal. One of the jewels in the first decade black metal list (good shit Dan+Ben)

You ever heard Masters Hammer- Ritual?

it’s Czech Heavy Metal. One of the jewels in the first decade black metal list (good shit Dan+Ben)

Yeah, I quite like it, although I haven't listened to it in a while. I don't think I dig it quite as much as most do however.

Vocals play a massive part in music for me and are probably the thing most likely to get me hitting the off button, so:

1. Shouty hardcore-style vocals where the singer sounds like a three-year old throwing a tantrum in Tesco.

2. Power metal vocals where the singer thinks Bruce Dickinson is OK, but is far too restrained in his delivery.

3. Gothicy vocals where the singer wants you to believe that he really is a romantically melancholy vampire rather than some sad act in a leather trenchcoat. Chances are Andrew Eldritch has already done this ten times better.

4. Overtly technical or avant-garde stuff that exists to illustrate how superior the musician is to us plebs either intellectually or technically.

5. Excessive use of keyboards smeared over the music like too-thick marzipan on a nice cake.

There's probably more, but these are the ones that really twist my melon (man!).

-but if you don't allow shouty bro vocals how will you ever be inspired by Hatebreed (a guilty pleasure for me, I know it's degenerate as fuck but it's great for working out).
-I started laughing my ass off reading the Bruce Dickenson line. Pure gold, and I'm with you on the take. 
-Gothicy vocals where the singer wants you to believe he is a romantic melancholy vampire? I love him, he is me! We turn it on and play VtM:Bloodlines 2. You can send all that shit to my DMs.
-Agree on the Tech for Techs Sake
-Keyboards bad, Violin good. You really just need one Violin. 

Hidden tracks are NEVER a good idea. Thankfully they were related to the length of CDs, so hopefully are gone now.

I rarely ever enjoy cover tracks, unless they match the feel of the rest of the album. On that note, I dislike tracks that have a really different production to the rest of the album too.

Plus Daniel's right that cowbells have no place in metal.

I must say Zero, your hatred for female vocals or non-metal instrumentals seems very passionate. I really enjoy both of those elements if they're done well.

I like cover tracks if the band did them; things like Trouble doing Tales of Brave Ulysess, or Anthrax's take on Cowboy Song. I absolutely hate that youtube "what if this song that has no business being heavy was heavy? What if this super heavy song was acoustic" bullshit, but a real cover is alright. 
I don't hate female vocals I champion Stacey Savage, Maria Brink, and Angela Gassow all the time. I am also  a fan of Thunder Mother, Jex Toth, and Psychedlic Witchcraft. What I hate is that soft chanty opera soprano stuff. I swear there is a free usage sound bite that these bands put in there because they all do it. I think I have PTSD from growing up with that goddamn Titanic theme song. Seriously, scared me for life it did! 
Yes, I hate non-metal in my metal. Imagine that.

Punky one-two drum beats shit me. So does the use of cow bell, particularly when used in conjunction with groovy stoner metal riffs. Any sort of cheese sees me tapping out too i.e. a lot of European power metal.

So, no Powerwolf for Daniel. I'm with you on the power-cheese, yet I like ManOwaR, go figure.

I can't be the only member of this whole site that has these. What am I talking about? Deal breakers, Bad Omens, and Empending Doom (not the fun kind). The shit that makes you tap out, turn the dial, give ya the ick as the kids say.

LOL. I almost thought you were going to rant about two of my favorite Revolution bands there.

I'm going to start compiling a list. Here's what I got. Keep in mind we all have them, these are just mine. 

1) "Airy" female soprano... she's not in the band, it's a backing track. The same backing track every band that does this shit uses.

2) Track on the METAL album has no METAL elements. This shit pisses me off, I grew up very poor, deep in the country, in the bible belt. Getting Metal was a once a year oppourtunity. You just spent $20 on an album. The album has 9 tracks. One of them is a 3-5minute string and piano piece. BRINGS MY PISS TO A BOIL!

"Im going through changes..." Yeah Ozzy I wish you'd change to some shit I paid to hear. Tony Iommi is in your band. He's a pretty fuckin' good guitar player. Let him play it!

3) Beauty and the Beast Vocals-"Airy" female Soprano's evil twin. He says GRRRRR, she says "Ah--ahh-ah". Zero says fuck this shit.

Based on those three, symphonic metal will definitely never be the metal genre for you, Zach. I used to enjoy symphonic metal a lot 10 years ago, but then I started tapping out in favor of heavier, more modern metal genres. Still I enjoy some bands with symphonic elements. One of those bands is Trail of Tears which also has those 3 pet peeves of yours; female soprano (Helena Iren Michaelsen/Cathrine Paulsen/Ailyn), Beauty and the Beast vocals (when Ronny Thorsen growls alongside the female soprano), and a track with no metal elements (e.g. "Illusion?" from Disclosure in Red, "Countdown to Ruin" from Profoundemonium). The only album from that band that doesn't have any of your pet peeves and I would recommend to you is their fully metal male vocal-only 2005 album Free Fall Into Fear. Everything else from that band, NOT IN YOUR HOUSE.

Anyway, I have a few deal-breaking metal genres to show that my expanding taste in metal has limits:

The majority of black metal - I tend to avoid the Satanic bands of the genre and definitely the neo-Nazi NSBM. Though I've enjoyed some black metal bands before that never relied on Satanism for the most part.

Brutal/slam death metal - I'm not really into the gory violence of those two subgenres and some of the more notable bands of standard death metal. Though I still enjoy subgenres like melodic/symphonic/progressive death metal.

The more brutal deathcore bands - Same issue as brutal/slam death metal. Though just like death metal, I like bands that are more melodic/symphonic/progressive.

Drone/funeral doom - So slow, long, and depressing that it's hard for me to pay attention nor resist speeding up the tempo to 2x.

Grindcore - The total opposite of drone/funeral doom, fast and short, but that's also an issue for me, along with a lot of bands of that genre having highly offensive lyrics and band names (such as A.C.). I definitely say no to subgenres like goregrind/pornogrind. In fact, I've listened to and reviewed a few releases by grindcore bands (F*** the Facts, Gigantic Brain, Bologna Violenta, and PainKiller's debut), and they're a few of the only releases in which I've given each of them a rating of less than two stars. I pretty much had a similar "knock it after trying it" attitude to your half-star reviews when writing this one, Zach (keep in mind that almost every other review I've made that's currently up is much more positive and less rage-filled than this): https://metal.academy/reviews/28695/3144

I'll try them out. Fuck it. Why not? Yeah it's like sonic torture, but I actually like her voice. Her voice is pretty awesome-it's a little lower than what I'm talking about and it has a little bit of rasp on it which I dig, but the music and the male vocals-no thank you Sir. If she sings in a heavier band I would absolutely try that out.

-Black Metal that is all Satan all the time is usually all suck all the time. -AGREED
-I love Slam, it's turn your brain off music, the stupider the better. Bananaslama rules, Max and I want them to come play near us. I also dig Krocophile out of Lansing (go see their album cover for Slamzilla-the Return it's peak!)
-We gonna disagree about melo-death/brutal death. I'm on the opposite side of the tracks there.
-I don't get Drone, but really good funeral doom is just awesome, cathartic even.
-Grincore. I like it either in the completely fuck off variety (Anal Cunt), or the serious as a car crash variety (Brutal Truth). Brutal Truth-Extreme Conditions Demand Extreme Responses is a must listen. Spin that. That Fuck the Facts stuff was awful your review of it is accurate as fuck.

Vocals that you can't understand. Cookie monster vocals. If I can't understand you then I assume you are not proud of what you say and it's not worth me hearing.
Down tuned extended range guitars. It's not the guitars but how these types of bands use them. The tone has become so generic and bland. Every production sounds the same.
Too much X -- IE: To many pinch harmonics, to many bends, to many notes.
Djent - Ther is no redeeming qualities to this genre.
Overly complicated leaps and jumps across the fretboard for the sake of seeming complex.
Thin flat drums / the overuse of cymbals
Dirty piss poor production. 

We've talked about this, and you knwo where I stand on all of it lol. long story short, mostly agree, but I love Fear Factory. Dino Cazarez can have as many strings and tune as low as he wants. Let him cook!

.. and with all that I think I'm caught up.

Ain't no way in hell I'm passing this one up.

• Gospel-style background vocals. Die with Your Boots On anyone? I shall forever wonder what they were thinking.
• And again, Piece of Mind (don't you worry - it has so many redeeming qualities it gets a pass). The opener Where Eagles Dare is quite possibly my favorite track of the record. Nonetheless, it certainly could do without those gun sounds... Samples. The severity varies. Engines, helicopters, guns - those are mildly infuriating. Give me crying babies and my blood starts to boil. And don't even get me started on those... copulatory vocalizations thrown out of nowhere in the middle of a track. Honestly, if you put this shit in a song and you are not in a pornogrind band, kindly go and fuck copulate yourself!
• Obituary. Dying of Everything. Intro riff. Chug-chug, ..., chug-chug, .... Ouch. Is this really the same band that released Slowly We Rot and Cause of Death?
  
• At the Gates. Slaughter of the Soul. Timestamp - 1:21. Groovy riff? Death & roll-y riff? Breakdown? Whatever this goddamned thing is called. Bonus points if it's a part of a song i would otherwise dig, just as it is the case here.
• Modern, computerized production, artificial tone, perfect rhythm, zero human factor. I want to hear you & your beloved gear, not your computer and your software!
• Everything with an avant-garde prefix is 95% not for me, at least for now.
  

Themes, aesthetics & lyrics:

• Urban / contemporary themes: street life, parties, drugs and the likes. Even worse - internal struggles/teenage angst. Extra credit if done by middle-aged men.
• Intense self-deprecation & without you I'm nothing cliché. Also celebrating one's depression.
• Love & erotica - this can be done well but it's very hard. And when it's bad (that is - usually) - it's really bad.
• Contemporary politics and preachy social commentary. Freedom worship - thrash metal style - being a notable exception. Ns and commie black metal are getting a pass as well, since these are so over the top I can't take them seriously.

And finally, I share some of your deal breakers:

• Punky drums and cowbells
  
• Hardcore vocals
• Excessive usage of pinch harmonics & bends, but those are totally cool in moderation.
  

LOL I like most of those things Karl. 

Definitely with you regarding samples, Karl, unless done very well.. and yes, those "sex-act" vocalisations are just plain embarrassing - as is screaming accompanied by the sound of power tools.

Wifey and I like Industrial music which uses heavy sound bites/sampling and sounds like power tools.

I might have been just a tiny touch too harsh on the samples and I'm willing to admit that it is indeed possible to make them work (except for crying babies and vocalizations, to the deepest pit with those!). Perhaps I'll come up with an example or two for the exception thread.

Also, I always respect a clever song insertion, that's a good one. :-)

Definitely with you regarding samples, Karl, unless done very well.. and yes, those "sex-act" vocalisations are just plain embarrassing - as is screaming accompanied by the sound of power tools.

Did somebody say power tools !?