Ron Jarzombek - Solitarily Speaking of Theoretical Confinement (2002)^{Release ID: 29847}

I knew when I initiated the review draft in the Infinite that I was going to have to listen to albums like Ron Jarzombek's Solitarily Speaking of Theoretical Confinement. This is pure guitar wank, delivered over a single, continuous idea, where the tracks are not serve as the end of an idea; it gives the record a conceptual feel. The biggest issue is that it takes the compositional approach of the Minutemen's fantastic record, Double Nickels on the Dime, with short song fragments and a whopping forty-five tracks! As a progressive metal album, this record comes nowhere close to matching Minutemen's punchiness and instant connectivity. 

Progressive metal has a hard time on the best of days to create a concept album that is conceptual, but this takes it to the extreme in the worst way possible. Ron is switching to and from different patterns and ideas like a schizophrenic and does not have a care in the world for making this record memorable beyond "look how quirky it is!" With almost every track on the album running less than two minutes, songs that were compositionally uninteresting before become unbearable on repeated listens. 

It becomes more apparent when you look at the names of some of tracks on this record and realize that most of them were likely afterthoughts: "Frank Can Get Drunk And Eat Beer", "Grizzly Bears Don't Fly Airplanes", "Sex With Squeakie" and "Tri, Tri Again" are just some examples that tell me nothing about the artist, or the artwork that is being presented. This is lifeless, guitar wank that I would like to thoroughly repress from my mind after being overrun with and endless stream of guitar students during post-secondary school who play this exact same shit. And now most of them are wondering why no one wants to hire them.

Best Songs: Melodramatic Chromatic, Battle Of The Hands, Sabbatic Chromatic, Two Thirds Of Satan, In The Name Of Ron