Hello Kitty Suicide Club - ^_^ (2012)^{Release ID: 24497}

Some of you are probably aware that I recently compiled & posted a list of my ten worst metal releases of all time, a task that I took quite seriously. Upon completing the task, I subsequently encouraged others to attempt something similar in the interest of healthy conversation. The planning for my cybergrind deep dive was well underway by that stage & I’d already selected the releases that I was going to explore so it was a little disconcerting when I noticed that our fellow member Rexorcist had included Hello Kitty Suicide Club’s “^_^” album at number three on his own worst-of list given that it was included in my list of ten cybergrind releases. I wondered whether that would just be a taste thing rather than a reflection of quality (or lack there-of) so I decided to charge through regardless & I now have to admit that the whole exercise has ended up being one of the most tedious experiences I’ve had since we began our Metal Academy journey. My stubborn unwillingness to break my minimum-three-listen rule has ended up being my worst enemy here as, despite Hello Kitty Suicide Club’s sophomore album only being 24 minutes in duration, this whole exercise has felt like a thousand years given just how little of substance there is to grab onto here. In fact, I’d have to suggest that “^_^” may well be the worst release I’ve heard in all of my years of rating & reviewing metal.

Let’s get one thing straight, Hello Kitty Suicide Club is not meant to be taken seriously. A brief look at the track titles should tell you that. In fact, I’d hazard to suggest that the prime intent of it’s two contributors was to make the worst album ever recorded, a task they’ve succeeded at emphatically. The sound they’ve chosen to achieve such a feat? An attempt at emulating the most primitive brand of underground extreme music using only the cheapest & most outdated electronic equipment they could find with some psychotic & completely random screaming over the top. Yes, you can expect to hear some grind riffs produced on something that sounds like the Casio keyboard you remember from your childhood only it’ll be intentionally played out of time & there will be some extraordinarily annoying & abrasive high-pitched screaming invading your ears simultaneously. You can also expect to hear humorous film & TV samples from cult classics like “Anchorman” & “South Park” thrown in for good measure as well as some genuine synth pop moments that remind you of Kraftwerk at times too with those elements being clearly the least repulsive parts of the album.

Is this metal? Not in the slightest. Whoever the fuck thought it was appropriate to link this record with grindcore has no concept or understanding of what makes something metal. There are no guitars included here & the only thing I can see that has any relation to metal are the horrific vocals & occasional use of fast electronic kick-drums & pseudo-blast beats. This album is purely an avant-garde electronic music release & sounds a gazillion miles more like the soundtrack to the earliest computer games than it does Napalm Death. In fact, even if you were going to accept it as metal you’d have no hesitation in lumping it in with avant-garde metal as opposed to grindcore. Show me a death/grind nut that is comfortable with this cover art being associated with their chosen passion & I’ll be very surprised as Hello Kitty Suicide Club have done everything in their power to leave those serious individuals with nothing to grab onto here in what must surely be the most heinous musical atrocity ever committed to tape. “^_^” categorially has no place at the Metal Academy. Hell, it has no place residing anywhere on Earth! It really is that bad that it’s creators are probably receiving royalties from underground crime syndicates across the globe who have the ultimate tool of torture at their disposal here.